Tossing, tickling and stroking. Moms, fear not, even kids need it to play! –

Will you also get stuck when your partner throws your little one to great heights? Are you protesting that he does stupid things that are unnecessarily dangerous? So that’s perfectly fine. The child needs both approaches for healthy development.

We mums like to print babies, cuddle them, smile at them. When we play, these games are more visual. Playing with dad, on the other hand, is much more physical. It’s all tickling, exploding, beard scratching and all that. This behavior is called poking, and it’s somewhere between stroking, stabbing, teasing, and pushing.

From the point of view of the mothers, a completely unnecessary provocation, from the point of view of the father, a kind of diagnosis of what the child can do and will endure. And sometimes those games end in tears. Your crying ears and heart tear you apart, and as usual you comfort your offspring, while your father looks twisted, because “it didn’t happen that much, did it ?” But after a while, the child gets angry and the two relaunch their experiments. And you ask: “Why are they still doing this? They didn’t learn?!”

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Do you wanna go there? So go out alone

Surprisingly, it is precisely this instruction that the two do. They just perceive it differently than you do. In the literature, this is called “the stimulating role of the father” and the aim is to encourage the child to find interesting, even more difficult solutions. Not that dads aren’t scared of kids, but the emotions just run backwards in these games.

On the contrary, a sense of the rules is built, respect for the opponent. The child learns to take into account its strong points, to estimate its reserves, to persevere, even to face failure, it is the cry of the end which you must face, because it is still your job . That’s why men, for example in Man, Don’t Be Angry, usually don’t record for a child and ruthlessly remove the track from the game.

Then, when the branch ostentatiously stalks off in a fit of rage and doom, they don’t raise an eyebrow, because “nobody in his life either sweeps his way.” And they are right. Life is different from that which mothers protectively weave around their offspring. In fact, nothing is free and it takes effort to succeed. The world is also full of complications and it is just a matter of whether the child learns to see them as challenges or obstacles.

Child care and education

For school children, the demanding paternal approach is perhaps even more important. While mothers at this age encourage imagination or drama, father promotes independence and self-confidence, teaches the child to follow rules, cooperate and be assertive. And children not only need these fatherly games, which are not lacking in danger and risk, but also love them! And it doesn’t have to be games, it can be skills like handling water, fire, in which dads (unlike moms) tend to supervise but don’t explain much -thing – the more fun an activity is for a child is that he must come with himself. .

Father as a bridge to life

With this attitude and this behavior, dads actually create a kind of bridge for their offspring, which brings them to life, to society. This hypothesis is called Gleason’s bridge theory. In 1975, Jean Berko Gleson, a psycholinguist at Boston University, accompanied him to study the differences in parent-child communication. It turned out, for example, that mothers have developed their own way of talking with their children – and the little ones in particular – which the environment finds difficult to understand. Contact with the father is more difficult for the child, it requires more effort.

Did you know, for example, that in the first days of life, a baby uses different muscles depending on whether it has to be lifted by its mother or its father? Incredible that! It is said that he has a so-called tonic dialogue with him, which is different with his mother and father. In our country, Lenka Šulová, a professor of psychology, deals with issues of early development and the relationship of the child with his parents. After the revolution, she took part in research at the University of Toulouse, where the interaction of children with their parents was monitored. They found that men already handled newborn babies differently than women – they approached them differently, they spoke to them differently.

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It was said to be nice to see in the pool. While the mothers turned the little swimmers together and gave them their full attention, they talked to them, the dads, on the other hand, directed the offspring towards others so that they could see what was going on around them and not bother himself. . The mothers also took care of the comfort of the child, constantly checking that he was not cold, cuddling him. And the dads? You’re probably guessing the administration – they doused the baby with water, tossed it in the air and put it on the surface to test if it would sink.

Boy or girl?

Not only are different role models used by the father and others by the mother, but research shows that others use parents depending on whether they are a son or a daughter. And fathers who:

  • when interacting with sons, they tend to be more bossy or playful with, say, an aggressive charge.
  • they tend to prematurely expect an unrealistic degree of autonomy and independence, especially for boys. In other words, fathers are more demanding of sons than daughters.
  • in boys they promote physical fitness, independence, research, competition, while in girls they promote tenderness, passivity, gentleness, that is, qualities generally perceived as ” feminine”.

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