You broke up, and instead of drawing a thick line in the past and starting over, you’re still thinking about the beautiful things you’ve been through together, and thinking about where the mistake really happened as you were so happy together. All the troubles and reasons for quarrels now seem unnecessary to you.
If you really think your breakup was a mistake, try to fight back. In this case, how to proceed and when would you prefer to go further and not try to restore the relationship? What do psychologist and psychotherapist Alex Hrouzková and Life Academy founder and coach Lucie Königová think?
When does a return make sense?
It makes sense to think about coming back, for example, when you’ve named the reasons for the breakup and you’re sure they can be resolved. many things you are in the affect they said, you don’t really think so. Your loved ones say you were a creature to each other.
According to Alex Hrouzková, it is crucial that both partners want to return. “If they are both determined to work on each other and on the relationship, then it is possible to overcome the crisis and start a new, deeper and firmer stage”, explains- he.
Lucie Königová fully understands that sometimes it feels like we belong together, and even after the breakup, it brings us closer: “Ask your heart why you would want your ex-partner back. But at the same time, rationally write down what you lack in your life without it. Name the reasons for the breakup – would you behave the same way now? It is necessary to make a deeper analysis of the whole situation, sometimes to completely clarify the relationship of the relationship so that decisions can be made maturely. If the breakup was not a natural, matured decision, but happened as a result of unresolved issues and bad communication, his recovery has a chance. But first we have to start with the changes.”
When to move on?
It’s natural that after the breakup you start to see a relationship rosier than it was. You miss him, you are alone. But sometimes you have to go further and not look back. When is it?
According to Lucie Königová, especially if there was none in the old relationship common vision: “You often encountered differences, had clashes and could not move. After the breakup, you only remember the good thing, but try to imagine that today, the week and the rest of your life, you will live again with your former partner. Will you feel happy by his side? Reflect on what did not suit you and what enriched you, find out if your relationship really had untapped potential or if you did not just can’t come to terms with the past.”
How to recover the old one?
In movies, heroines often do doggy bits to convince their ex that the breakup was a mistake. They constantly meet him somewhere “by accident”, they claim on social networks what a dream life they lead, etc. But is there really a technique to bring back the first ones?
According to Alex Hrouzková, you will not make a person like you, any manipulation: “When you decide to restore a relationship, it will help to show your vulnerability, to show sincere feelings. But any pressure will rather discourage the other. I recommend to start with yourself, to work on your development and your relationship with yourself, which will usually soon be reflected in reactions and increased favor from the environment.”
Lucie Königová advises taking a quality relational break. She too is inclined to work on herself: “Perhaps you have unspoken relationship expectations, you are afraid to be yourself so that others will like you. It is not possible to create a quality relationship in such a framework.”
You may find that you are unhealthily dependent on your partner. Then it’s good to calmly talk about it with an expert, but it’s certainly important to find your hobbies or friends. Did all of your arguments end in a heated argument and later reconciliation in bed without resolving the issue? An open face-to-face conversation can open both your eyes and help you in new and better ways.
A new relationship with an old partner
You all know the saying of stepping into the same river, but it is often misinterpreted. You follow him! The philosopher Heraclitus did not warn against repeating the same mistakes, but argued that the river is never the same and changes, just like the man who enters it.
Alex Hrouzková confirms this, saying that if you want to go back to your ex-partner, you have to realize that it can’t be the same relationship: “Like in this river, new and better relationship. You have to make changes, move. At the same time, it is not good to keep the break in mind, to blame old wrongs.”
Lucie Königová also agrees: “If we don’t do anything on our own and we change the frame, then all the relationship drama will probably repeat itself over time. However, if you can name the problem, admit your part and you work on self-development, jealousy, dependency, communication, etc., then you can enter the relationship as a “new person”. It is important to take care of a renewed relationship and yourself in it, like any other relationship. »
If you pretend that nothing happened and you continue to put the problems aside, you only risk that another more serious crisis will end up repacking your bags.