Erika (66): Parental legacy divided us forever

When Erika’s mother ended up in a wheelchair and with severe brain damage, her sister Dana suggested she be placed in an institution. But neither Erika nor her aged father could allow it. And so she took care of her mother at home, alone, her sister had a different life and interests. But Erika liked to do it, she loved her parents very much.

“Without complaining, I took care of the two sick parents. As usual, the nurse had neither the time nor the interest, because she was always taking care of herself. In fact, we didn’t We weren’t very close even as little girls. Dana has always been in the world, on the contrary, I’m calmer and more family-oriented. Paradoxically, I didn’t have one when I started looking for my husband, it was already taken care of. Moreover, I lived in a small village from which I hardly moved. Dana went to study in Prague, her parents supported her as much as they could, but she showed up at home for Christmas or when she had a birthday.”

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The sisters lived different lives

Erika graduated from the Business Academy and then started working in a small company near the city. And she continued to live with her parents. Years passed, and as her days were one by one, Dana successfully graduated and started working in a law firm. “When his sister arrived at Christmas, she was earning a lot of money. She had a car and expensive clothes. Her boyfriend at the time was the director of a trading company, I could only envy him. And then came the disaster.

The accident came

I had been at work for a long time that day and my dad went for a beer with a friend. When I got home, my mother was lying helpless on the stairs. I called an ambulance in a flash. Unfortunately, the fall was so ugly that her mother suffered severe brain damage and was put to sleep artificially. Dana was then on vacation abroad and was not expected to return for several days. Things weren’t going well with mom. The doctor prepared us for the fact that if he survived, he would likely be physically and mentally disabled due to brain damage. When her mother regained consciousness, she barely recognized us and was unable to articulate. It was terrible. Finally, Dana arrived and we broke down in tears. Maybe for the first time in my life.”

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Dana even stayed home for a few days, but then had to go back to work. Of course, they discussed with Erika how it would go. It was clear that Dana could not take care of her mother, she offered to place her in a nursing home. “It was out of the question for me and dad. When his father heard this he was very angry, but he was even more sorry. He said that I would have this house one day, that I was the only one good girl.”

full time nurse

Then came Erice’s hard times. She rushed home from work every day to help her father take care of her mother. It’s been like that for nearly fifteen years. “Inwardly, I accepted being left alone, without a man. I was completely absorbed in my parents’ care. And then I suddenly started noticing that everything was wrong with my dad. He suffered from memory lapses and could not remember basic words. Then came the diagnosis: Alzheimer’s disease. It was another blow, but I had no choice but to take care of my father. Once I complained to Dana on the phone, but she told me coldly that I couldn’t count on her help. That he only has one life, and when I decided to sacrifice my parents’ care, that’s my business.”

Several more years passed. Erika had to quit her job because caring for her parents required a full day of commitment. Then my mother died suddenly. “One morning I found her in bed with no sign of life. She looked like she was sleeping. A year later my father, who had lived in another world before her mother died, also took care of him, and his care became more and more demanding. It got so far that he was addicted to me when he was little. And suddenly, I was left alone.”

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Freezing point relationships

Instead of the sisters reuniting, there was a clash. When Dana learned from the attorney that according to her parents’ last wishes and testaments, which their father had written right after his wife’s injury, the former Erice Village home would remain, she began to rage. “I tried to explain to her that her parents had supported her all her life, both during her studies and afterwards, and that I took care of them full time when they were destitute, while she was going through her life to the fullest, but she called me a pissed off female dog. It’s been two years since we’ve spoken, he doesn’t pick up my phone, he doesn’t answer my messages. Apparently, I lost my sister for good. I myself am surprised to be sorry even after these years of alienation.

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Expert opinion: Mgr. Lucia Lanžová, online psychological counseling MOJRA.cz

Erika has chosen a difficult life path. Somewhere in her early days, she may not have known that her decision to take care of her mother would become her mission and engulf her entire life. The desire for a partner and his own life came late. However, Erika accepted this situation humbly and did her best for her parents. His sister’s attitude after the death of his parents was to affect him all the more. Inheritance disputes often disrupt families. It is always painful to realize that possessions and money can destroy the closest relationships. Especially for people like Erika. People who base their lives on something other than property. It is clear from the story that Erika has always had different values ​​in her life than her sister. And suddenly, they were never very close. Did Erika expect her sister to behave differently than usual in this situation?

Erice probably has no choice but to respect her sister’s decision. She can only try to accept the situation as it is. So as not to doubt herself, not to blame herself for this situation. Accept that her parents made this decision for a reason, and she had no doubt that she had made the right decision. We cannot change others and certain situations. But what we can change is ourselves and our attitudes towards those people and those situations. Erika was left alone, but eventually, after sacrificing her whole life for someone, she was able to start focusing on herself and maybe start achieving her dreams. It’s not too late for anything.

Contact: www.mojra.cz

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