An adult son is jealous of a friend, destroying my relationship

Pavlina is a widow. His son Petr was diagnosed with ADHD, so it wasn’t easy with him as a kid, and maybe that’s why he’s still obsessed with Pavlín and jealous of his new boyfriend.

Peter is twenty years old. I’ve been raising him alone since he was nine. Unfortunately, his father passed away. He left this world, in his own words “in great pain”, with his own hands. Husband suffered from severe depression for many years, which doctors could not solve no more medications. For many years I tried to understand him and accept his decision. It wasn’t easy not to blame him. For some time, I perceived his action as a decision of weakness and selfishness.

Our son Petr suffered from leukemia in the first year and was also diagnosed with a disorder called ADHD. This usually manifests in children as a lack of concentration, inattentiveness, and an inability to focus on essential perceptions. Children are also much more impulsive and sometimes aggressive. Our Pierre was a classic example. Combined with his illness and the man’s depression, it was all extremely difficult.

Peter was constantly on the move for no apparent reason, he absolutely couldn’t dampen it or control it. He jumped up, kept pushing something, ripping or mumbling something, popping out and sweeping. He was in a trance when he talked about a subject that interested him. He could not dialogue, he jumped into speech, he spoke like a “coffee maker”.

His puberty, too, was “nourishing”, but around eighteen things started to calm down. I tried to guide Petra with a firm but caring hand to understand her otherness, and in cooperation with my friend, psychologist and therapist, I succeeded. Fortunately, ADHD does not affect intelligence, Petr is above average in intelligence, which helps him manage his otherness through logic.

He is now working for the first year, his job does not change and his contract has been extended for one year. Well, that’s where I met John. I wondered how it all went well; my son graduated successfully, he got a job and I have a friend who loves me and our relationship is looking very promising.

When my son was younger, I didn’t have time for a relationship. I paid the mortgage myself, so I commuted between work and my son. No one wanted to watch Peter, I’m not surprised. They didn’t even take him to the camps. Tried it twice when he was younger and went camping for him twice. After this experience, I accepted the fact that I would not rest from my son until he was an adult. Which, of course, I don’t mean badly, maybe you understand me…

Due to husband’s death and son’s illness and otherness, my son and I were probably very obsessed with each other, so maybe he was more about me than I was. am on him. I think I am quite reasonable and rational in this area.

When I told my son about Jan he wasn’t excited at all and asked if the guy would live with us in the future. I was disappointed, I didn’t expect my son to want to get to know each other, but I rather foolishly hoped that he would at least wish me a friend.

Peter obviously wanted the exact opposite, which was becoming more and more obvious. Every time I wore Jan’s buns, shortened his pants, or fixed his overalls, my son had a talk.

Jan is handy and happy to share his skills. I like to cook and bake for him, he will be happy to help me drill consoles or shelves, for example. And that’s what I asked him last week.

A large shelf above his desk came loose for my son, and I was worried it would fall on him over time and damage his computer as well. So I asked a friend. He was very helpful again and I was excited – neither me nor my son can do this job so it was always a problem to get anything done well at home.

Jan came, brought everything, fixed the shelf perfectly, corrected his son’s game and fixed a mirror that had stood just in the corner for a long time. When the son arrived it was over and Jan was having coffee and gingerbread. Peter didn’t even shake his friend’s hand. He looked like a killer. As I started to congratulate John for what he had done, Peter suddenly shouted.

He says he doesn’t want a stranger to come to his apartment and do anything there. I thought I would be embarrassed and angry. But I gathered my inner strength – like so many times in a similar situation – and told my son as calmly as possible that I had paid off the mortgage and the apartment was mine, so I would be the one to decide who could and who couldn’t and what was in the apartment will do and what won’t.

Of course, the whole situation was unpleasant for his friend, so he left within minutes. The son was immediately exchanged. Not that he apologizes! He calmly put the things on a new shelf and then congratulated me on the gingerbread.

Jan didn’t answer for two days. I think it’s clear to him that as long as his son is living at home, any move that we have planned cannot take place. And I have 3+1 and he lives in the rent! I am really sorry.

Our partnership has naturally led to coexistence, we are very calm and kind to each other, unfortunately I absolutely did not expect my son to refuse so fiercely. I think some type of jealousy plays a role in everything. Petr is just fixated on me – I’m just “his”. But how to change it and not hurt it?

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