“Dad, do you know how much toothpaste is in a tube? Three meters sixty! » Ondřej Suchý’s album

02/04/2022

Photo: Courtesy of Ondřej Suchý

The description: From January 1, 1962, new hundreds of crowns began to be paid. They were valid until the early 1990s, they almost looked like that, just that you wouldn’t buy almost anything for that hundred. Even if you were David Copperfield.

This week in the morning, Mr. Václav Žmolík called me to tell me that he would like to talk to me on the phone at the Czech Radio Pohoda station for a few minutes in the Pohodáři section. I agreed, because it is on this station that the reruns of my Nostalgic Museums of Entertainment are broadcast every Monday, while almost 3 Kavárničky of the born are repeated on ČT 3 television almost daily. In those two shows, I probably look more or less cool, so I can call it cool.

Moreover, I am happy to be able to appear to listeners and viewers over the years as I appear in today’s media: Young but polished, grateful to be able to meet, remember and laugh with legendary artists. I’m not bragging about it now, I’m just saying that I was like that back then! Today, it’s different: the memories run through my head like in a coffee, and in the morning, “throwing” gives you work.

Every time I wake up, he doesn’t give it to me and I look at the internet, what happened in our country and in the world since yesterday. Then I go to the porch to calm myself listening to the chirping of birds and I repeat in front of the cafe: Squeeze all the negative information into your stick as much as possible, as well as more than enough of it being smuggled in during the day . And so I push, well, and right now I’m finally getting to what I promise in the title: once again, I’ll be discussing in my archive what’s timeless at all times – the humor, the moments of laughter, the anecdotes. But before that, I’ll go on to the introductory photo of the counterfeit banknote: Two “suggestions” of what new banknotes might look like also appeared on chewing gum in the early 1990s…

album

When Czechoslovakia split into two republics on January 1, 1993, Slovaks and Czechs immediately reacted together with humor. No comments needed.

I wrote about some of our masters of the art of anecdote here some time ago, so I come back to the “sets” of some of them. Jiří Štuchal, an irresistible artist, reigned among them (at least according to my personal tastes) at the turn of the 1950s and 1960s. So have fun!

“Look, Karl, you’re fourteen today,” your father begins seriously, “so I’d like to talk to you about some sexual issues.”
“But, dad, you don’t have to, I want to go into the construction industry.”

The English boy said to the educator: “Excuse me, madam, I speak with my mouth full, but a moment ago my little brother fell into the river.”

Three-year-old Jiříček runs home and happily shouts, “Mommy, mommy, a lady has congratulated me.”
“And what did she tell you?”
“You bastard, spit out the sand!”

A letter to a father asking why his son did not pass the exam: “Your son got nineteen points out of a hundred. If you are interested, I can add that the chimpanzee, subjected to the same test, got twenty – four points.

“Students, we call sublimation the conversion of solid matter directly into gas. What do you want, Peter?”
“Please, sublime Revic! »

The children took home a questionnaire from school, in which the family conditions were to be indicated. František wrote: “We are twelve brothers and sisters. But Dad can also fix the water supply and some carpentry. »

“Dad,” the son said cautiously to his father, “there will be a small but special meeting tomorrow at our school. The teacher asks you to come to her for sure. The director and I will be present.”

An example of children who tell the truth without shame, that is to say, not yet trained in pretense. The courier picking up the loads will ring the bell. Behind the door, he says: “Dad is not at home, he is working.” – “And mom ?” – “She’s not at home either, she’s working.” Grandmother, for example? » – « She hid too. »

Stumbling

This is how I drew Jiří Štuchal in Porcupine in 1972 when I was around sixty. Little did I know at that time that his Saturday radio show The Happy Journey would soon be canceled and Jiří Štuchal retired.

The bell rings. She opens the mistress of the house. The girl stands at the door and asks: “Is Mr. Žebždich at home, please?” – “No, my husband is not at home!” He drove me one day and lent it to me. “Have you had a cold?” ” – “No, so I cried a little. “

“Yesterday, man, I spent four hours with a beautiful woman!”
“Yeah? And what did she tell you?”
“She said no.”

To my husband: “Honey, I have to tell you something unpleasant, but I’ll wait until tomorrow, you can’t sleep.”

Two dog owners have fun: “My dog, the Azores, is very intelligent. He buys me a newspaper every day.”
“I know, our Maxik told me.”

A colleague introduces a friend to a woman he has just married: “In fact, we met at the cinema, at the show.

The man came home from work and the woman said to him, “A duck you were shooting last Sunday called you today.

She squirmed and said, “Oh, you’re not serious!”
“Yes, madam, to my soul!”
“Do you know that this will be the first time that I cheat on my husband?
“Oh ma’am, I’m also cheating on your husband for the first time!” »

joke

I read: Laughter adds mood and joy to life. Optimists live longer than others; they are constantly renewing the energy reservoir of their soul. Humor and laughter also cure occasional depression and melancholy. So now look at that old photo and say to yourself: this will definitely end up being okay.

And some other anecdotes from other sources.

Dad’s son asks: “Dad, what is multiple sclerosis?”
“What did you ask?”
“When?”

A ladybug crosses a meadow, meets a beetle and says to it:
“So you’re rolling!

The Lord comes to the restaurant, sits down at the table, orders a menu, looks attentively at the waiter and begins to order: “I have decided to order roast pork. I want it to be just a little fat on it, just around the edge. However, I don’t want it to be too old, but again not to taste, not to be overcooked and, conversely, not to be cooked. »
“I understand, sir,” said the waiter, “and what blood type should the pig be?”

A woman gives birth to a child in nine months. How long before giving birth to two women?

A frightened passenger rushes up to the captain and asks him, “Captain, are we diving?”
Captain: “Unfortunately, yes, we have a hole on the port side.”
Passenger: “And how far is the nearest mainland?”
Captain: “About 500 meters.”
“Uh,” sighs the passenger, “and in which direction?”
Captain: “Vertical.”

The man calls an ambulance:
“My wife is going to give birth, what should I do?
“Is this her first child?
“No, it’s her husband.”

“Doctor, my hair is falling out.”
“It’s because you’re nervous.”
“It’s possible. But I’m nervous because my hair is falling out!”

He was such a big loser that once, when he was lucky for the first time in his life, he was choking with joy.

At the end of this rather unusual album, I would like to add another anecdote, which is neither from the 50s or 60s nor 70s, but on the contrary, which is from the recent present: Earlier when someone came to the bank with a mask on his face, a hat and gloves, the police called. And now?
He is now being told, “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Suchy Konvalinkova

The actress with the most beautiful laugh I have ever known is Naïa Konvalinková. Let’s take an example sometimes.

Ondrej Suchy

Entered by: Ondrej Suchy

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