When you love him more than he loves you

One in five relationships experience so-called unequal love. These are often cases where one couple sees themselves as the “savior” of the other. He does everything for his partner that he sees in his eyes. However, he does not share these emotions. Do you think your love will “tighten the two together”? This is the complexity of love – two are needed for it to work. Just one is enough.

Even if you both say “I love you”, it doesn’t mean that the amount of love from both sides will be the same. Don’t think your partner doesn’t love you or care about you at all – unequal love is different from one that isn’t reciprocated at all. This is usually the case when a partner loves infinitely, intensely and passionately – they feel that if the relationship ended, they would not survive.

Unfortunately, we cannot measure love. Psychologists have been trying for fifty years, and without success – although they agree on the specific qualities that define love. They are among them, for example intimacy, level of commitment, attachment, care and attractiveness. For example, when one partner has to call every night, while the other is annoyed, this can be evidence that one side is more attached than the other. However, the lack of this attachment can be compensated by other advantages – it can be all the more open or passionate. But it’s impossible to mathematically express the exact values ​​of these feelingswhich we could compare with the values ​​of the partners and find out who loves whom more.

We thus remain completely attached to our own intuition, which is not infallible either. It very often happens that the partner is faithful and loving, but expresses your love in a different way than you are used to. Just because he doesn’t say “I love you” to you every day doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel that way. It exists many love languages in which people can express it in different ways. Some may bring home a dozen roses once a week, others may express their love by cleaning or mowing the lawn. It is therefore important to know if your partner is really less involved or if he just has trouble expressing his emotions in the same language as you.

However, this is not always unjustified wrong. Unequal love is a real phenomenon discussed in SAGE magazine one-fifth of all relationships. This type of love has become a frequent subject of study for relationship experts and psychologists. Many people have tried to find the reason for these inequalities and see if the relationship is able to survive them. And in the long run then thrive.

A 2017 University of Denver study of asymmetrically committed relationships found that romances where one partner was less in love than a man typically broke up within two years. The level of female love here was the most important indicator of relationship survival. It can also mean that women are generally more willing to tolerate a relationship with a less devoted partner.

It takes two for love to work. However, just one is enough for it not to work.

It is important to know what you promise from the relationship and what you get out of it – if what you put in the relation is worth an (almost) zero result. Many people have tend to assume the role of “saviors” of their partner – this often happens in couples when one of the partners is struggling with addiction or has narcissistic tendencies. The other then feels like a guardian angel – he thinks that when he saves his partner from addiction or changes him, their love will be firm and eternal. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen, which is why this type of relationship doesn’t work long term. One invests energy, love and time, the other just rides the wave. The ability to “tighten the love for both” therefore gradually weakens, as one side recovers nothing. Ultimately, such a relationship sucks one of the partners morally and emotionally.

In this case, there is only one solution: openly ask your partner if his feelings are strong enough to continue the relationship with you. If so, ask him to show his affection a little more prominently. He may not even be aware of his emotional stiffness. However, if your partner is unable or unwilling to reciprocate your feelings, it may be time to finally leave. It is certainly not easy to leave a place where you have already taken root – but the longer you let them grow, the more painful it will be to pull them out.

Source: Refinery29.com, Psychologytoday.com

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