How to keep the spark you need in a relationship

For the uninitiated, “spark” is everything. At least in the romantic sense of the word. It’s flirting with food that you enjoy in your pajamas in bed. You laugh at jokes you’ve heard thousands of times. Or, after a long day at work, look forward to coming home and wanting each other for a long time.

But what if that “spark” starts to fade? First of all, it should be understood that in long-term relationships this is an inevitable phenomenon. But there’s no need to lose hope just yet either.

According to relationship psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree, there are many ways to revive it. You just need to do the homework and reframe your expectations of a long-term relationship a bit.

Quality time spent together

According to the expert, many people in long-term relationships gradually focus on saving time for their own independence, hobbies or social gatherings. While it’s certainly important, she says, you still need to make regular time for each other (at least 15 hours a week).

“By spending the good time each week together, you strengthen and strengthen the relationship,” he told the Independent.

There’s a lot of time spent in terms of quality – walking together, sitting down to a nice meal, going to the movies, etc. Just have cell phones as far away as possible right now.

“Of course, there are couples who literally can’t stand spending a lot of time together, so their relationship may be more functional than emotionally bound. Such advice wouldn’t sit well with them. For anyone else looking for a lost spark , but yes,” he adds.

Rule five against one

Quarrels, disagreements or misunderstandings, big or small, are part of every relationship and there is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just a good idea to balance every negative interaction with five positives.

“Have a positive outlook. Don’t forget to tell your partner how much you care, give them compliments, and give them feedback whenever possible. Show your gratitude for all they do,” Roantree urges, saying a similar approach is key to maintaining the spark as it will build mutual respect and admiration.

“Treat each positive step as a contribution to the relationship, try to make as many contributions as possible. The more there are, the easier it will be to overcome relationship problems that will arise in the future,” he adds. .

Plan your fun

Not everything is good to arrange in advance, but in long-term relationships, on the contrary, it is usually beneficial – which is also true of joint entertainment that is necessary.

Not only because sooner or later you will have many of your own time-consuming responsibilities, but also because it is all too easy to forget that even in the ordinary domestic “boredom” that accompanies long-term relationships, you can still have a good time with your counterpart.

“Over time, the relationship is increasingly taken for granted and there is a growing tendency to forget to deal with pleasure and intimacy,” explains the expert.

“Get used to spending time together, which you fill with original and playful activities. You can possibly extend it to your sex life to get out of its predictability and make it more spontaneous again,” he advises.

Formulate your expectations

According to Mason Roantree, a major area of ​​relationship psychology is looking at how to manage your romantic expectations. The problem, she says, is that after years of social conditioning and various bizarre claims, our perception of romance is somewhat distorted and often unrealistic.

Not only can this affect the love life as such, but it also has the effect of sometimes giving up on relationships too quickly when you feel that the so-called honeymoon period is irreversibly over.

“You have to want to improve your partner and invest yourself in the relationship. Many couples, for example, argue about who did what, who’s next. Similar arguments develop from the idea that everything must always be 50/50 in relationships. But this is unrealistic and automatically makes you think about profit and loss. The partner will soon become someone you have to compete with, instead of being a source of heat family, relaxation and pleasure for you”, explains the expert.

Don’t collect the little negative things

It’s not just big fights that disrupt a relationship. There are often smaller, bigger things that pile up and, as a result, break the relationship, Roantree says.

“It’s the annoying little things, like not taking out the trash or emptying the toilet rolls that aren’t talked about much. However, they’re the ones that accumulate other unpleasant things, like constant dramatic sighs, scattering of nasty remarks or rolling your eyes,” he claims, adding that these seemingly insignificant things actually point to bigger disagreements or conflicts in the relationship. Over time, they grow and spread to a state where they cause great damage.

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