Warning! Danger! How to recognize a toxic relationship and it’s worth it…

You have to find compromises, make mutual concessions, turn a blind eye here and there to the partner’s mistakes. Being together, but also having space for yourself, your needs. Find a balance so that you both feel good about the relationship. But what if you live in an unhealthy relationship? Who slowly but surely spreads a poison with highly toxic effects? Is there an antibody? And is it really worth using it?

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expulsion from paradise

Imagine that one day, like Adam and Eve, they will drive you out of paradise. But you don’t end up (with your feet firmly) on the ground, but you’re stuck somewhere in between. Instead of enlightenment and relief, you only have pain, insults, wounds. You find yourself in purgatory and you don’t know how to get out of it. Or maybe you know it a little, but you are afraid, don’t you have the courage?

In her book Toxic People, Lillian Glass says toxic is “any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict, and one tries to undermine the other’s self-confidence.” So the question is why people often stay in such a nurturing and negative relationship. The answer is not at all simple. It may be the illusion that your partner is still worth all the suffering. Or you don’t want to waste the years of your life with him. Maybe you’re just scared of what’s next and don’t know what to do…

If you wait for words of consolation and comfort that everything will be fine again, I will disappoint you. Unfortunately, there is no antidote to the toxic relationship and it is not something the wind blows. Fall in love and in love? You really won’t find it in a poisoned relationship. It hurts… but it’s time to admit it.

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How to identify a toxic partner?

– He has a constant need to control you. Where are you, what are you doing, with whom…?

– Privacy is a foreign word for him, he climbs into your cell phone, he opens your mail.

– He is possessive, forbidding you to frequent your family, your friends.

– He changes you in his image, he orders what to wear, how to make up, how to do his hair.

– You can never be perfect enough. He’s the one who knows best and knocks you down (publicly) and criticizes you.

– Jealousy is his other face. He will make scenes for you for a conversation with his grandmother, with children, he constantly suspects you of infidelity.

– He’s a very good manipulator. He pulls the strings without realizing it. It makes you feel guilty, feel remorse. Together, my darling, it’s better… Nobody understands you like me! Are you surprised that I’m jealous? Look at yourself, what a bone you are, it wouldn’t be just jealousy… I’m so afraid that you’ll leave me…

– His mood changes as the weather forecast changes. At some point, he is joyful and you would crush him with love. In the blink of an eye, he turns into a rage that scolds you for not buying his favorite buns, that things aren’t according to him.

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Solution? Change!

To stay in a toxic relationship, you create some sort of alter ego. You try to satisfy your partner in everything, you often adopt their habits and behaviors, you avoid people and places with which you know they would not agree. You lose yourself, you’re afraid to voice your own opinion, you may already have such a low self-confidence that you actually think you’re not good enough to stand up to it. Or you just don’t have the strength to keep arguing.

Coexistence with a toxic partner borders on psychological humiliation and, in extreme cases, even physical violence. And some self-destructive tendencies also begin to manifest themselves. You don’t want to hurt yourself, but you do it anyway. Just by not leaving the relationship. You start gaining weight because you use sweets as an emotional insulator, or you don’t eat at all because you have an anxious stomach. You can’t sleep, you’re exhausted, in a bad mood…

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Say STOP!

It’s time to change. However, you will not change partners, but yourself. You have to learn to think differently, to start loving again. Then you won’t want to hurt yourself, and leaving your partner will be a little easier. You have to admit that you no longer live as a couple, but that you survive. Try talking to your partner about it, he may realize that this is not the case, and he will try to save the relationship with you. However, don’t get your hopes up or get carried away by the vision of short-term improvement. Keep in mind that he is a skilled manipulator after all. Evaluate if it’s worth it, for any other disappointments.

It doesn’t stop at the start…

Unfortunately. Unhealthy relationships leave scars, traumas. And it needs to be handled properly. You probably can’t do it alone. I strongly recommend seeking help from an expert – a psychologist. It will help you overcome emotional tension, regain your self-confidence, and most importantly, teach you how to recognize toxic relationships and, even better, prevent them in the future.

Professional cooperation: PhDr. Michaela Miechová, owner and psychologist of the online counseling center MOJRA.cz

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