Sex plays a different role in every relationship. For some, its frequency was low from the start, elsewhere it disappears over time. Therefore, it is IMPORTANT to look at the relationship from several angles and before saying so relationship without sex If you want to leave, you should find out the reasons for his loss. And try to fix it. Or ask yourself if sex in a relationship is really the most important thing to you.
Why is your relationship sexless?
Stacey Laura Lloyd, an acclaimed author whose work focuses on dating and relationships, recommends finding out why sex is disappearing. “For example, because you and your partner are busy and have many commitments and responsibilities that delay your CONFIDENTIAL moments. For some couples, the asexual nature of their relationship takes other forms. They have ceased to be physically attractive or do not want sex due to life eventswhich makes sex more of a chore than a meaningful act. »
In addition, there are other couples where sexual relations stop after the children enter into a relationship, because then it is more difficult to perceive their partner as a sexual being, and not only as the mother or the father. of their children. There are couples for whom sex has never been a major issue and who consider their partner as a partner and a friend rather than as a romantic seducer. Many have lost their sexual desire for a partner because of infidelity because betrayal and broken trust seriously undermine the desire for intimacy.
Is sex important in a relationship?
The decrease in sex can be attributed to many reasons. Stress, occupation, lack of privacy, age-related hormonal changes, health issues, etc. As well as the different development of partners. The relationship is not as static as the development of the person in it. It can happen that suddenly everyone is chasing their dreams and they only clash very little, then there is no time for intimacy. Nevertheless, they can feel very good and satisfied in such a relationship. They just don’t have sex. It’s a problem?
“Sex is one of the building blocks of a healthy relationship and without it it really isn’t, but it’s not only thatexplains the presence of sex in the relationship between couple therapist Honza Vojtko and continues. “The quality and quantity of sex has changed over the years. The myth that young people like sex is better than long-term partners is really deeply rooted. Quantity, but not quality. In a long-term relationship, you have someone next to you who knows you and your body and what works for you. You don’t even have to offer it to her anymore. Take a look. “
Other therapists, including clinical psychologist and relationship expert Frances Cohen Praver, Ph.D., demonstrate that sex is really important in a relationship, but there is a distinction to be made between quality and quantity:Sex is an essential part of an intimate relationship, and many believe that sex is an essential way for us to truly connect with our partner, as this intimate act has both physical and emotional components. For example, if sex with your partner appears in your thoughts and you desire an intimate connection, then you keep your bonds and relationships strong. However, if you suddenly lose the desire to have sex with your partner or rarely experience intimate moments, it could mean that your connection is falling apart and your relationship has become more platonic than romantic. »
How much and how little?
What probably bothers couples the most and supports the myth of high frequency sex as an indicator of a good relationship is the constant comparison with others. How often do you sleep together? Do you still have sparks between you? Do you try new sexual practices? “First, I can only prevent comparisons by realizing that others are not experiencing my relationship. The main thing is that you can tell if you are happy in your version of sexual activity“Honza Vojtko points out in his book Relationships and myths. It doesn’t matter if you have sex once a month or every semester or every week, the important thing is whether it’s right for you. If so, why bother. If, on the other hand, you want more sex, it’s time to talk to your partner about it. There are different lengths of time we just don’t feel like having sex. Are you a young mother who does not sleep and who just has time to do her hair? Do you have a broken leg or are you experiencing health complications? Does your job keep you busy? There’s not much room for sex here. It’s better than talking about having sex with a friend than talking about having sex with a partner. According to couples therapist Honza Vojtek, one of the important reasons we deal with sex in a relationship is the fear that when there is no sex or less, our partner will stop loving us, he no longer loves us, we are not good enough for him. “But it’s my fear, my subject, so it would be nice to open it up with a counterpart and ask them. I can’t do anything else,” says the therapist.
Stay as a couple or leave?
If you’re wondering if you should stay together or move on, you need to think about how important sex is to you. For some people sex in a relationship is an absolute necessity and it is not possible to stay in a romantic relationship where sex is rare or non-existent. For others, it is enough to experience an emotional bond with your partner to maintain a meaningful, successful and long-term relationship. But there are other options. Many couples have an agreed-upon type of open relationship where they are able and capable of meeting their sexual needs outside of their relationship with their partner, but they still remain fully committed.
When it comes to sex in a relationship, the main thing is that you do what’s best for you. There is no answer as to how much it is, because it just depends on how important sex is to you personally. If, as a couple, you do not know how to solve this problem, you can seek the advice of an expert who will help you, sometimes very quickly, to correct the problem. It will give you information, instructions, things you can try in a relationship, and help you feel good about the relationship. Don’t forget about touch and intimacy without sex, which means a lot to a relationship.