The relationship between stress and sex is a bit more complicated than the simple statement that “sex kills desire,” says Leigh Norén, a sex therapist and trained coach with many years of experience in the field.
“Yes, it’s true that stress can often literally suck your libido away. But for some people the opposite may be true. In fact, stress drives them into sex,” says waiter therapist Yourtango.
The relationship between stress and sex
It is not uncommon for some people to be able to conduct sexual intercourse. Some people just need to feel physically connected to a partner during times of stress. The more sex, the greater the feeling of satisfaction and appreciation.
Other times, stress boosts libido because sex is just an easy way to relax. Sex is known to release good mood hormones – these “fight” stress hormones, which will result in a greater sense of relaxation and happiness. “Instead of relaxing first and having sex, you have sex first,” some trainers describe.
However, according to her, stress destroys desire much more often. For many, it is a psychological and physiological experience, due to which the brain is flooded with stressful thoughts and the body with stress hormones. They also send danger warnings to the brain.
“Instead of a growing desire, body and mind will focus on your safety, whether it’s meeting a deadline at work or a real threat to your life,” he adds. What are the most common stressors that cause it?
When your mind is literally flooded with scheduled meetings and various presentations, it’s clear that sex is the last thing on your mind at that moment. And that’s part of why sex and stress aren’t going too well.
What you focus on tends to grow while everything else declines, such as sexual desire. Unfortunately, the vision is often distorted.
Many feel or even expect to want to have sex spontaneously, regardless of what is going on around them or how stressed they are. But these expectations, if not met, often lead to doubts about whether all is well with a person. And the more he worries, the less he will want sex.
Knowing how important the brain is and its mood for desires, it is much clearer to understand how even the daily upbringing of children can negatively affect desire.
If your brain needs to focus on sex in order to have sex, “wiping your nose, changing diapers, or helping with homework” isn’t exactly the perfect prelude.
Add to this the stress of children themselves or angry teenagers, and one immediately understands how the mind can completely deprive itself of sex.
relationship or marriage
Along with day-to-day stressors at work and raising children, the state of your relationship or marriage is a key factor in whether and how much you crave sex. And this is where expectation again plays a very important role.
If you want to stay close and improve your intimacy with your partner, you need to understand what that means. “Expecting your partner to get excited even after 11 years of marriage is the same as the day you met, that’s not entirely realistic,” the coach explains.
However, that doesn’t mean that long-term relationships can’t be sexually or romantically fulfilling — they can. But you have to realize if your expectations are right.
Have you been upset with your partner lately? Arguing over money or something? Expecting either of them, or the fact that you can’t find even 10 common minutes for each other, won’t affect your sex life, is unfair to you. of them.
Another factor, perhaps a little strange at first glance, is sexual stress. The feeling that you need to have sex at least once a week to “fit into the social norm”, to experience explosive orgasms or passion as well as a partner – all of these can literally kill sexual desire.
How to manage stress
If stress in some (or all) of the above forms is part of your daily life, how do you deal with it so that sex doesn’t disappear from your life altogether?
“It depends both on the stressor itself and on the effort you want to face on your own,” explains Norénová. There are many stress management techniques that make sex not just a dirty word. It will also help someone to enjoy sex in the morning before the stressors mentioned above “kick in.”
“It is important to realize that stress is a powerful force that you cannot completely control. You better learn to recognize the role of stress in your sex life and plan everything else accordingly,” concludes Norénová.
What stresses you out the most?
Almost nothing, I managed to avoid the stress
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