Check with us for the most recurring myths about marriage that can harm your marriage even before your partners say yes.
The one I marry must suit me perfectly
Partners often say yes when they think they’ve really found the right thing for each other. But the truth is that this is often an idealized idea and it is only gradually that partners learn to love each other.
“None of us know exactly what we’re getting into in a marriage. In the end, we always find that we and our partner have mistakes, differences, and imperfections that we need to overcome, tolerate, or forgive each other. Just because we have to overcome our shortcomings doesn’t mean we can’t have a great marriage, quite the contrary,” says Petr Adame, National Wedding Week coordinator.
True love grows where we are able to love another even though we know everything about them, or at least more than anyone else. This is real intimacy. The romantic ideal of Mr. Perfect and Mrs. Flawless is a myth. Nevertheless, it is important to know if we share similar values and if we can rely on each other.
Happy couples don’t argue
The exchange of views on life belongs. A relationship can benefit as much as it can harm. It always depends on the issue behind the conflict and how well the partners have mastered the art of quarreling. Sometimes even pettiness can become an unsolvable problem, other times a huge disagreement can be a step towards strengthening the relationship.
“Each of us enters a marriage with different expectations, needs, fears, and ideas that formed in our previous families. This naturally leads to a lot of boring ‘opinion exchanges’. The Difference Between Healthy Marriages and those with bigger problems lies more in how we argue.
If our quarrels involve more mutual reduction, attacking and blaming, the desire to hurt others, or unwilling defenses of self-reflection than a specific problem, we have a problem. Even healthy marriages have feuds, but not primarily as a way to manipulate or gain power in a relationship. The healthiest marriages are quick to solve problems, forgive and want to move on,” says Petr Adame.
Children solve problems in a relationship
The birth of children within marriage brings a whole new dimension. In addition to the positives, however, there can be a number of negatives and shortcomings that can cause minor earthquakes in a relationship.
“We may have different ideas about raising children, and the birth of the first child in particular can be a stress test for young couples. We have less time for ourselves, we are stressed and we do not sleep, there is no sex life after giving birth, etc. Children alone will not solve our relationship problems.Of course, children bring more demands and stress, but on the other hand they are also a enrichment of the relationship, marriages with children generally have a much lower divorce rate,” adds the coordinator.
The lover knows exactly what to say or do to make the other person happy
In particular, women often expect men to read their minds and satisfy all of their needs and desires on their own, without having to tell them, because that is simply a matter of love. But that has nothing to do with the truth.
Communication plays a key role in relationships, and if you desire a harmonious relationship, you shouldn’t expect the other to have supernatural abilities and read your mind. On the contrary, you will have to help him by formulating your needs and your desires.
This is true even if you are going through conflict or feelings of alienation. “When there is a misunderstanding, many people in a marriage will let their wounds swell unnecessarily because they hope their loved one will do what he or she did wrong, or they believe it’s so obvious they don’t. don’t even make sense to talk. But couples need to learn to express their feelings and open up to each other. In general, your relationship and your willingness to communicate constructively about painful things should come first. on tacit expectations,” the expert points out.
Marriage means the end of passion and boredom in a sex life
Of course, sexual passion in long-term relationships is different from one-night stands or the first phase of mutual discovery. But quite often in a positive sense. Sex in a longer relationship brings different and deeper experiences, as it is based on greater knowledge of the partner and intimacy, which develops into a secure and intimate relationship. Emotional openness and security therefore have a direct link with a deeper ability to show tenderness and to have deeper sexual experiences.
According to numerous studies, married couples generally have sex more often and subjectively perceive it as better than people who are not in a relationship. Of course, sex life in marriage changes, and especially pregnancy and the presence of young children can change sex life for a while. Similarly, there can be routine in any long-term relationship, but it’s nothing couples can’t handle if they feel the passion is fading.
Marriage and the end of freedom
The relationship is not obvious and must be worked on all the time, it is the same in marriage. However, this does not mean that marriage is just a labor in which you lose your freedom. It also has its positive aspects such as belonging, mutual aid, adventure, play, etc.
“Marriage certainly means giving up other relationships and parts of your independence. Without this decision, however, it is not possible to function in long-term relationships. If my independence and my needs are most important for me, I will find it difficult to find satisfaction in my marriage,” warns the expert.
The key to a happy marriage is romantic love
Romance should not be missing in any relationship, but the ideal of romantic love, which rolls us over from the media and literature, has little to do with reality. If you have taken on someone to meet all of your needs and complete you in everything, you are placing exaggerated demands on your partner.
Your partner is not a god or a unicorn who will fulfill all your desires. If you keep looking around to better realize your romantic ideal of love, chances are your marriage will end more like a Greek tragedy than a romantic comedy.
Marriage is just a piece of paper, it’s enough if we love each other
If marriage is just a piece of paper, why are people so afraid to enter it? If it’s such an insignificant step, why not take it? On the contrary, people do not marry precisely because it is something important, a commitment to others that we make in front of our families and friends. We thus declare publicly that we are not only “friends with benefits”, but that our love is so great that we are ready to commit ourselves to another.
Especially in the early years of an unmarried relationship, the likelihood of its breakup is up to five times higher than in a traditional marriage. If an unmarried couple lasts longer, the probability decreases and, at the same time, many unmarried couples marry with the arrival of children.
Also, in unmarried couples, the emphasis is more on personal autonomy and independence than on marriage. Unmarried couples also have a statistically much higher risk of infidelity.
In a marriage, you always share all the tasks equally
Don’t expect everything in a marriage to always be fair and equal. That each spouse will contribute equally to household responsibilities, child care and financial security of the family.
Of course, this does not mean that the husband should lie on the sofa after work and leave all the household chores to his wife. But if you’re always counting who does the most and who does the least, you’re usually going nowhere. Men in particular certainly have more reservations in this area.
Constructive infidelity rekindles a relationship
Infidelity often involves satisfying a biological need, but also a need for social prestige or a deep emotional bond. Even with the best of intentions, it’s not a constructive act that would benefit our marriage in any way.
In the vast majority of cases, the infidelity of one of the partners is a reason for ending the relationship. Of course, this is not always the case and there are exceptions, but it is not advisable to rely on it. Recovering a loss of trust is one of the most difficult tasks and certainly cannot be done by everyone.