Domestic violence against children: what is silent on how to deal with it

There must be zero tolerance for domestic violence. How do you know that someone around you, like a little child, is experiencing it? How to help him as a lay person? About this is the therapist and show moderator What he is silent about Honza Vojtko spoke with Petra í Wünschová, director of the LOCIKA centre, which helps children and their parents live free from violence, and Roman Bojek, head of equality, diversity and inclusion at IKEA, who is a partner in the work in progress. See the video above for the full interview.

It may sound easy – when a partner treats me or our children aggressively, I pack my bags and leave. This idea could not be a more distant reality. Lenka had been thinking about leaving her husband for a long timebut she was still scared and scared of what was to come. This feeling never left her. She couldn’t even remember when she was doing something without fear. But it all started, he says, very discreetly. “It was great when I started dating Peter. For the first three months I was really happy and I thought I had found a partner for life. Today I hope it won’t be the case, even if he continues to convince me that he will never leave me and that I belong to him.”

You are only mine!

“He often told me that if I tried to leave he would hurt our son, and I don’t want to blame him. He told me that I didn’t have to worry that he wouldn’t. don’t kill me – death would be too easy for me. He threatens me that if I don’t listen to him, life will be a pain for me. But to take it in his turn. Petr insisted terribly on living together, that it wouldn’t didn’t make sense paying two rents. He kept telling me how much he loved me, needed me, and wanted to spend every minute of his life with me. At first I was flattered, I I loved it too, but I used to hang out with friends and socialize.

Honza Vojtko (left) with her guests: Petra Vinšová and Roman Bojko Author: What they are silent about

Peter came with me a few times, but then he said he didn’t like it, that he dumped his friends because he loves me and expects me to do the same. I didn’t want him to feel bad, so I gradually started spending time with him. But he still wasn’t satisfied. When my phone rang, he asked me who was calling me and why. He regularly drove me to work. And when I happened to go to work by bus, he would call me thirty minutes after I left for the landline if I was already at the office. »

At home like in prison

“I told him that I didn’t like his behavior and that I felt like I was in prison. Peter first explained to me that he did it because he loved me and worried about me. Later he just told me that he had the right to control me and that I would report to him or experience what such a prison and such a hell was like. When I refused to give him the pin code of the phone he snatched it from my hands, threw it on the ground and stomped on, he yelled at me that I was definitely going down with someone, otherwise I would would have given the pin code. I didn’t want to live like this anymore, I packed my things and wanted to leave. But Peter got in my way, pushed me against the wall, wrung his hand, snatched my apartment keys from me and yelled, “Until I leave you, you won’t even move from here!” I had to give him some passwords to e-mail and social networks.. He wrote from me to my mother and to many two friends that I no longer wanted to see. »

A child hostage

“Everything got worse when I got pregnant. He said I was carrying his baby and from now on I have to do what he tells me because he knows what is best for the baby. not allowed to buy anything to eat that he wouldn’t allow me, I was measured how much time I could spend doing it. He cursed me that I was a lazy lemur, that I didn’t do that rolling my hams and that I was fat and couldn’t even look at myself He forced sex even though I had gynecological problems It was even worse after the son was born He yelled at me that he didn’t need me for anything now, that it was a shame to feed me, because I was only good for a box before giving birth to him. When he thought that I wasn’t quite obedient, he locked me in the apartment. Once, when I needed to go to the doctor with a sick son who had a fever, he took my car keys and we drove. s had to walk.

October 15, 2021

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He loves our son, sometimes he plays nice with him, but it bothers me that he insults me in front of him and also tells him that he doesn’t have to listen to me because I’m a stupid cow. He hit me several times in front of my son, once knocked me to the ground and kicked me. When the little one hears a cry, he cries and runs to hide. He happened to pee several times. The son will be four years old and sometimes he says “stupid mom”. He punched me several times when I didn’t want to let him. My husband stood there and laughed at me. The problem is that kindergarten teachers complain that our son is aggressive towards other children. Overall, he’s pretty scared, he can’t get involved with the team much, and when no one is playing with him, he runs around and hits or pushes someone. »

Afraid to leave

“I thought for a long time that my husband loved my son and that I didn’t want to break up my family, that I just had to put up with it. But now I see that what we live in is not good for my son. I would like to leave, but I’m terribly scared. My husband threatens to deprive me of my son if I leave and I’ll never see him again. I have nowhere to go, and even though I’m back to work, my salary goes to a joint account and i can’t freely dispose of the money i earn my husband says he won’t allow me to go with my son, he will find me everywhere and he will ask that his son be entrusted to his care.”

On the way to life without violence

“I was afraid to tell anyone for a long time, I thought that no one would believe me, because Petr is very nice in society. And I had no proof. But once was too much for me and I confided in a friend. I didn’t say everything, I was even more surprised when she told me that she believed that no one had the right to treat me like this and that he there was a way out. “I know what you’re talking about,” she said, “I’ve been through it myself.” It’ll be a while before I can say I made it, but I’m there and I finally have the support and I hope it works out differently.”

The What is Silent show is created in collaboration with Moje Psychology magazine. You can buy the current issue in the iKiosek.cz online store. You order today, you have it in your mailbox tomorrow. And delivery is free!

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