CONSULTATION: The three-year-old son is sleeping in the bed with us, her husband is starting to care. The coach advises how to teach the child to sleep alone

Ludmila is currently engaged in sleeping with children. She and her husband have an almost three-year-old son who is practically with them she has been sleeping in her bed since birth. “When I tried it from the start sleep in the cribhe cried a lot, and when he fell asleep, he woke up within the hour and he cried again that he wanted to cuddle describes Ludmila’s difficult beginnings.

Therefore, after two months, she abandoned her son’s crib and took him to the double bed. Since then the son has calmed down and every time he woke up he took a breast and went back to sleep. “He will now be three years old and he doesn’t want to sleep anywhere other than us. I don’t mind, but my husband is already nervous about it and asks my son to spend the night in his own bed. But I’m afraid we’re no longer sleeping. Basically, the current state of things suits me. It’s really on the other side of the line such a big child sleeps in bed with his parents? And how best to adapt it to independent sleep? asks Ludmila.

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What does coach Sylvie Mobagi advise?

I fully understand that in the case of small babies, who often wake up at night, parents resort to taking the child to bed “permanently”. It’s actually natural. Remember when we lived in caves as humans. There we slept in a room and mothers certainly did not put the baby anywhere on the stone and was not going to lie down anywhere else. They did the exact opposite, they had their children with them, as it was the only way to protect them from being attacked by an animal that might sneak into the cave at night. So it’s an “instinct” both on the side of the mother and on the side of the child.

Every child is different. You more empathetic and emotional usually need closeness to sleep. Waking up in bed alone when it’s dark everywhere and you’re a toddler can be scary. You write that it bothers you not to sleep when you put your son to bed. I think you’re partly right about that. From day to day, there is hardly a peaceful change in where the baby sleeps. It is clear that your son is used to something and change will take time.

The question is, when do you think is the right time? If you expected it to change at age 10, for example, it’s not the rule at that age either. The longer you let children sleep with them, the longer it will take them to get used to the new. And consider two other things. The first is that the child grows, and therefore will logically take up more space in the bed. Therefore, over time, you will not sleep anyway. And then there is the marital aspect. The longer the baby sleeps with you in the bed, the more you make money in the separation and I believe that is not your goal.

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Sleeping alone is an individual matter. You must be before you do this with his one hundred percent certain decision. Otherwise, the child will feel that he “does not have to” and all efforts are in vain. If you decide, it’s good for me when a child sleeps alone at the age of three. Not only her, but also you and your husband have more peace at night.

However, one must consider with a period of ten days to three months (it’s really individual) when the habituation process will take place. The most often recommended way to make a child independent is to talk to him about why is it good to sleep alone. He’ll have more space, he’ll sleep well, you won’t fart under his nose. Think about the reasons for engaging your child. So reassure him about it you will be at peace with him until he falls asleep. And keep it. In the evening you read a fairy tale, then the child goes to bed and you manage, for example, e-mails.

It’s good to have a baby with you had a flashlightif he woke up at night. He can light it up, relieving the stress of darkness. The first few days, the child will discuss with you if this should be the case, if you cannot sleep with him. Always reassure him of your love and persevere that you are near. The next night the baby may cry or call you, go and wait until he falls asleep. It won’t be without work, but it will work. Remember that the younger the wand, the easier it bends. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to experience the discussions of parents with ten or twelve year old children who refuse to sleep alone. It’s definitely a better option.

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Sylvie Mobagi studied applied psychology and couple therapy at the University of Maryland. He is currently completing his doctoral program in psychology at the same school. She has specialized in working with children for twelve years, and for the past seven years she has been Director of Partner and Family Counseling at SPOLU in Brno, where through a unique system of associated mediation techniques in neurolinguistic programming, she obtains excellent results in family and couple therapy. She is also the author of the TOTAL Partner Handbook and I WILL FIND YOU an introductory handbook.

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