When to prefer the bachelor – Novinky.cz

“For some of us, life without a partner is a natural thing. We don’t mind being single for months, years, and some for decades, so it’s fine,” says the dating expert Candice Jalili. “Others, however, cannot exist without a relationship and are clearly in pain. Or they cannot imagine a single life at all.”

The fact is, the social pressure on singles to settle down has diminished over the past few decades. Living without a partner, once largely a necessary economic support, may now be easier for many than before. In the EU, for example, 33% of adults live in one-person households.

Which, of course, does not mean that everyone chose this condition voluntarily. Society is changing, there are other ways to get to know each other and find the right one.

Today, hectic lives and, paradoxically, social networks tend to separate us, physical contact has been complicated by a pandemic, and relationships are often torn apart. And so many of those who would really like to find a partner and start a family with him often wander from failure to failure.

Take your time

But at that point, it’s good to stop for a moment and try to understand why all this is happening. Just come back to yourself a bit. Coach Priscilla Martinez offers several serious reasons to be single for a while:

  • You feel pressured to find a partner. Whether it’s your family or your social expectations, neither has a patent on your happy life. It doesn’t matter if you are interrogated at a family party or if you are suddenly excluded from the circle of your fortunately entered friends, who treat you like a fifth wheel of a car. If you want a relationship, it should be because you want it yourself. Following other people’s lives and what time you should be in them will not bring you happiness.
  • You are afraid of relationships. You may think you should overcome an obstacle like fear and go for it. That’s true, however, it’s also important to understand how to do it, and the answer may be deeper or more complex. Consider ending relationships often and prematurely. This pattern tends to repeat itself over and over again. You will always find slight imperfections to justify why you want to go there. Consider staying single and not using that time to find a way to deal with your fears.
  • You are afraid of loneliness. Not everyone has in themselves a loner and an introvert, who enjoys the evening around the book and does not lack company. But do you really want to be in a relationship where you often worry more than having to overcome temporary loneliness? You can fulfill this by seeking a meaningful and healthy relationship. People who are so afraid of loneliness that they take everything they are offered can end up in a toxic relationship. Often they also cannot leave it for several years.
  • You are looking for a replacement. Are you still affected by the disappointment of your past relationship? Dating someone to get over the pain can be a recipe for disaster, according to Martinez. Think carefully if you want to get attached or not. If you only need temporary comfort, it’s unfair to each other. You probably wouldn’t like someone just wanting you as a patch. The possibility of you hurting yourself and harming a new object of interest is always in the air in such a relationship.
  • You are looking for people who are not suitable for you. There are usually deeper reasons for this, and it is not easy to decipher them. Sometimes it takes a long time and maybe an unbiased view from a psychologist is needed. However, if you’ve suffered repeatedly in a relationship with someone who wasn’t right for you, didn’t want you too much, or hurt you mentally or physically, definitely take a break and ask for help.
  • If you are hypersensitive to rejection. Are you convinced that the person you just met on Tinder is the right one? But he turned you down, and you’re desperate. If you get frustrated every time the first date doesn’t work out, it’s time to work on resisting rejection. After all, your prize doesn’t depend on everyone falling in love with you at first sight.
  • Because you don’t feel the need to be in a relationship. This is probably the most compelling reason. You want to have fun, travel, build a career, or just date. You don’t understand why it’s so hard for others to be alone when it suits you. Of course, you don’t have to feel this way forever, but that’s how it is right now. Celibacy has many advantages, especially for young people, and allows them today. It’s not worth stealing from someone who might want to hang out just because you think it’s okay to have someone around only once in a while.

Springboard

The moment you find yourself alone, you may not want to have anyone. Or realize how much valuable life experience you can gain during this time. “Believe it or not, relationships are ‘mentally expensive’,” says relationship expert Susan Winter.

“Intimacy and partnership take up a lot of space in our heads. Even though a lot is happening unconsciously, there is less ability to focus on other areas of life.”

According to Winter, we spend a lot of time in a relationship worrying about our partners, their careers, their health, their well-being, but also about the relationship itself. We often dissect the slightest quarrel for ourselves, and when moments of uncertainty come, we are afraid to part ways and figure out how to prevent it. “It’s the price of love.”

Emotionally tense situations of all kinds can overwhelm us and keep us from focusing on the present and all that needs to be addressed in our lives. “On the contrary, in the period when we are alone, we have the possibility to make room for new things, dreams and thoughts, we have the space to breathe and develop”, he concludes.

Celibacy can be an important step in life, a great springboard for transformation.

Why be alone for a while

Candice Jalili, dating expert, gives several reasons why a single period can be good.

  • You are more open to whatever comes your way.
  • You can get to know yourself.
  • Think better about how you imagine the next stage of your life.
  • You can take better care of yourself.
  • You will learn to enjoy your own company.

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