The mirror principle works in the daughter-mother relationship. The child will very quickly show his mother’s doubts

Business and personal coach Petra Volenec Němečková speaks in our radio advice on the subject: complicated relationships between mothers and daughters.

Petra Volenec Němečková in the studio of Czech radio Hradec Králové

Petra Volenec Nemeckova, personal and corporate coach, painter and host of Access Bars, is the owner of Studio La Petien. He has been dedicated to personal growth for over 10 years. It helps in the process of change, personal development, relational issues and in setting up corporate communication. It accompanies clients on the path to a bigger smile, ease, and goal achievement.

What makes a mother-daughter relationship so special?
I wouldn’t say it’s a special relationship, but it’s still unique. There is, of course, a big difference between a mother and son relationship. Mothers often project themselves into a relationship with their daughter as they would like to live a life. They consider the sons as princes from birth, but they expect from the daughter.

As a teenager, the little girl discovers that she is not a mother, that she has her own life and her own world. If there is a healthy development, the department will kidnap them both.

Petra Volenec Němečková, personal and business coach

It is said that children are born with the ability to love, which sounds very beautiful and idyllic. But what if there is a problem with the parents?
I think there is always a relationship of love and love. At the same time, if we use the word problem, it only appears gradually with the age of the child, perhaps during schooling. And I would develop this word relationship, the love is always there.

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We all probably have ideas that intertwine in relationships. And are there any complications if it doesn’t meet our expectations?
We often have expectations and often think we know what the other person is thinking. And it’s no different in children, or in relationships between adults. But 80% of relationship problems, whatever they are, are related to non-communication. We think we know what the other person is thinking, but often it’s different.

Many mothers may also be afraid of being good mothers later on. Can it affect a child’s psyche?
Fulfilling the role of a mother is completely different from fulfilling the role of a good mother and all the dogmas associated with it. There is a huge mirror principle for the child and the mother, and when the mother has doubts in her, her child will show it to her in a wonderful and very quick way.

When does complexity start to appear? Until adulthood or before?
This usually manifests in puberty, where the child or daughter is obviously trying to define themselves to the world and to their mother. And then there are different splits, where we like to make an equal for different rules and conditions. She didn’t do that and she didn’t, so she probably doesn’t like me. And it doesn’t matter if that’s how mom or daughter feels. And it doesn’t have much to do with it. Love is.

Every little girl has a period when she imitates her mother, she repeats her behavior. There can be a momentary romance where men can then feel like they have a mother in the house twice.
There it happens that before the child separates from his mother, so to speak, the imaginary umbilical cord is literally cut, so the little girl perceives the world through the eyes of her mother, they are very connected and interconnected. And in adolescence, the little girl discovers that she is not a mother, that she has her own life and her own world. If there is a healthy development, the ministry will take both.

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Is there an ideal mother?
In a way, I think every mom is perfect, but it’s mostly about setting expectations and what she likes. No extreme is ever good. It’s interesting and expressive, but it’s never good.

Could there be something wrong with a friendly mother who has a truly idyllic relationship with her daughter?
There is nothing wrong, only pitfalls appear when the daughter expects the mother to always be nice. This is also true in relationships in general, where it is believed that a friendly relationship always equals a pleasant relationship. And the problem comes when a problem or a hitch occurs and mom sets a limit. Mother gets angry and daughter expects mother to be nice again.

Then, there can be complications during the disconnection, if the bond is too strong and the mother cannot let go of her daughter?
It’s a lot about transferring responsibility. And also on the confidence that the girl will manage her life. But it is a two-way relationship, which means that the mother can also manage her free life without her daughter.

Petra Volenec Němečková and Pavla Kindernayová in the studio of Czech radio Hradec Králové

You can listen to Pavla Kindernayová’s full interview with Petra Volenec Němečková about mother-daughter relationships in our audio archive.

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